So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
