I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
