im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
