I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
