in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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