Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
