They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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