Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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