If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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