i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
