im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
