you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
did i walk over a car last night?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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