So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
