you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize