I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am available for nakedness
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
