He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize