Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
