I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just pee around me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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