I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
