Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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