Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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