I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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