I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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