Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
