god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
