perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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