fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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