my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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