CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
