Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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