Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He did a backflip because drugs
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