i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
