Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
