I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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