Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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