She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
