what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
