I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize