He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
