Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
