Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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