True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I would ride that face into the sunset
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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