Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
