They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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