He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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