I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
