One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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