White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize