That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
