Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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