Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
