Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
