And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
