I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Randomize
