i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
