I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
