Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
