The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
