your room smells of hookers.
And success
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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