I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
