I love black thongs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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