He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
BRING THE BAGELS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
