8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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