i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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