I just saw a hot homeless man
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize