There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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