dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
